Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is generally the process where two people help each other manage emotions. In our Skytown space, we are talking about the dynamic between an adult and a child.
We help children figure out how to regulate their own emotions in at least two ways: (a) by modeling how we handle our own emotions, and (b) through co-regulation. With co-regulation, we have the opportunity to model calmness and offer support as our children have big (or small) emotions. Think of co-regulation as a dynamic exchange of emotional support, from you to a child. In order to co-regulate, remember that you yourself have to be resourced. Being resourced is essential.
Great! How do we do it? Here are some strategies:
Get down on their level. We can do so little when we are towering over children.
Talk with a soothing, slow voice.
Validate their feelings. Our job is to make sure our children know that their feelings, whatever they are, are safe with us. Welcome their feelings.
Breathing. Deep, slow, even exaggerated breathing can help soothe nervous systems (including our own). We are working on practicing this at story time in the preschool room, but it’s a great tool to talk about at other times:
Hugging (pictured!). Hugging is great because not only is it an emotional comfort, but it engages the proprioceptive system to signal to the distressed person that they don’t need to flee, freeze, or fight. Things are okay. If they don’t want to hug, don’t take it personally. Sometimes the offer of a hug is enough support.
Sitting nearby. Especially for children who don’t want us to witness them having big emotions, or who have refused a hug, this can be enough. Show them you are not frightened off by big emotions, and you are nearby in case they want to share more.
Most importantly, be patient. Slow down. Show them they are the only thing in the world that matters right then. Physically, remember that adrenaline and cortisol, once released into the body, take time to break down.
Our goal is to help them feel safe & secure with their emotions, which will help soothe them. Remember that eventually, they will be more equipped to regulate their own emotions. But as parents, grandparents, teachers, we are always going to try to be available to help meet their storm with our calm.