Taking Turns & Feeling Secure

At Skytown, we don't force students to share. Instead, we work to make each child feel like they are valuable enough to enjoy or use a toy or object as much as they want before it is someone else's turn. Forced sharing can make a child feel like they aren't worthy enough to have the fire engine or the red bucket by themselves, implying that their friend's desire is more important than their own engagement with the toy or object.

One day, a student came to the art easel and found that her neighbor had the green paint. She had finished using the orange paint at her easel and asked the child next to her if she could have the green paint.

He said to her, "You can have it when I'm done," and continued painting. There was no adult intervention such as, "You have plenty of paint, just share."

Instead, the boy felt secure knowing that he was using the green paint and could keep it as long as he needed. The girl, having been at the school for a while, knew that when he was done, he would in fact give it to her (or do so with the help of an adult to close the loop). She waited patiently for her turn.

He kept painting, and a few minutes later, he said to her, "I'm done. You can have the green paint now." And she got her turn with it.